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3 Hours With A Close-Up Magician · Tom Cardy
The Dancefloor At The End Of The Universe
℗ 2024 Tom Cardy
Released on: 2024-10-17
Main Artist: Tom Cardy
Producer: Tom Cardy
Composer: Tom Cardy
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Comments
11/15/2024 @Algia_: This is the second best date idea I've ever heard, second only to 4 hours with a close up magician.
11/15/2024 @kablutoxyz: I'm about to shatter your world: 5 hours with a close up magician
11/15/2024 @deakoncassidy7138: @kablutoxyz that’s a bit too much
11/15/2024 @NoisqueVoaProduction: For me it is second to Tom Cardy painting me with his Charcoal....
11/15/2024 @toadstoolsandtaverns: @kablutoxyz 3 magicians? enough for a… human centipede?
12/15/2024 @D60Hyphn: @kablutoxyz OK but get this... 6 hours with a close up magician
01/15/2025 @Urboy19: Ok, but get this: 7 HOURS with a close up magician.
02/15/2025 @FunkinDraven: Cmon, you're forgetting 8 HOURS with a close-up magician
02/15/2025 @Urboy19: That's true, but you're also forgetting 9 HOURS with a close up magician.
06/15/2025 @robertallen9473: Hear me out:10 hours with a close-up magician
11/15/2024 @RegalBlob: I am 100% convinced that one of his friends took a girl out for three hours with a close up magician and he made this song solely to make fun of him and spread the inside joke to the masses
11/15/2024 @augustdeer: According to his twitter, Tom was a close-up magician in middle and high school.
11/15/2024 @RegalBlob: @augustdeer yeh that checks out
11/15/2024 @msp654: His best magic trick was inserting himself into our hearts. And our house
11/15/2024 @sweesbees: turns out the card was OUR hearts!
11/15/2024 @Negligentleman08: The 1.8k of hearts
11/15/2024 @anotherfandom: His nightmare being forced to do far away magic is incredible.
11/15/2024 @LexiHodgkiss: "pick a card, any card NOT THAT ONE"
11/15/2024 @BonkColaOfficial: ace of club-
no
FUCK
11/15/2024 @naomilawson2752: Finally! The version of Red Wine Supernova for people who don’t like magic
11/15/2024 @halflife_alix: SPACE THEMED ALBUM
SPACE THEMED ALBUM
SPACE THEMED ALBUM
11/15/2024 @elizabethlee5557: SPACE THEMED ALBUM
SPACE THEMED ALBUM
SPACE THEMED ALBUM
11/15/2024 @Negligentleman08: SPACE THEMED ALBUM
SPACE THEMED ALBUM
SPACE THEMED ALBUM
11/15/2024 @Iglsizzl: SPACE THEMED ALBUM
SPACE THEMED ALBUM
SPACE THEMED ALBUM
12/15/2024 @curtisholsinger6023: SPACE THEMED ALBUM
SPACE THEMED ALBUM
SPACE THEMED ALBUM
08/04/2025 @kittymittenz: SPACE THEMED ALBUM
SPACE THEMED ALBUM
SPACE THEMED ALBUM
03/15/2025 @nuggets_42: the best thing about my school is that the deputy principal taught the man that makes these amazing works of art
11/15/2024 @hungrybottt: something tells me this album is gonna be a banger
11/15/2024 @MeepoTheArchivist: I’m absolutely you will be proven correct
11/15/2024 @smolidk7981: This is just straight up Weird al vocals and Lyrics. I love it.
11/15/2024 @outgoingcall: If Tom Cardy and Weird Al ever worked together, the universe would implode from pure perfection
12/15/2024 @FunkinDraven: @outgoingcall truly
02/15/2025 @nitsuga_but_not_really: @outgoingcall and somehow we still got zumba 😘
11/15/2024 @Overduepractice: "Now he's crying, what an aphrodisiac" -tom cardy
"Information superhighway, what an aphrodisiac" -TWRP
12/15/2024 @Whatshouldthisbenamed: Nah I'd Win
11/15/2024 @pizza5965: WGAT IS THIS SONG. THE DEFINITION OF THIS SONG IS TOM CARDY.
YOURE THE BEST TOMMY
11/15/2024 @katme-nl1gd: Lyrics [from genius]
[Intro]
Hey girl, I think you're really cool
And it would be gravy if you would be my baby, baby
But don't worry because I know the rules
I gotta court you, baby, before you are my lady, baby
[Verse 1]
Won't you look at the time? It's half past champagne
On a hill, while the sun sets and we watch an aeroplane write your name
And then it's back to the Shangri La
I brought you this new card, wrote you all this poetry, you love it, baby
[Pre-Chorus]
I know what girls like, that's why
You don't have to ask, I've saved the best 'til last
[Chorus]
Three hours with a close-up magician
"What?"
Shut the fuck up, it's about to start
Three hours with a Craigslist magician
Pick a card, any card, choose any card
Not that one!
[Post-Chorus]
(Close) He's gonna do this (Close-up) and bend your mind (Magic)
His tiny four-walls, and an almost-full deck of cards
When seducing you is my ultimate mission
You know, you're getting three hours with a close-up magi— (Oh, yeah!)
[Verse 2]
Tell me girl, do you like magic?
"Not really"
Well, thank god your boyfriend hired a
Close-up magician
I get right up in your face
Don't give a damn about your personal space
Now you're in my workplace
Was your card the three of hearts?
"No." Fuck!
[Pre-Chorus]
He started telling us his mother's in remission
Now he's crying, what an aphrodisiac
This close-up magician
Drops his stupid deck of cards, we watch him trip and fall hard
His pants fall down, I would be lying if I said he had stopped crying
[Chorus]
Three hours with a close-up magician
Four of clubs? "No"
Ace of hearts? "No"
My driver's license? "No"
An Uno card? "No." Fuck!
Three hours with a close-up magician
I know you're happy to stay, so babe, I'm happy to pay for
Six hours with a close-up magician
We're gonna prestidigitate until the break of dawn
Your whole life with a close-up magician
He's almost finished guessing your card wrong
Ace of diamonds? "No." Fuck
[Bridge]
Close-up magi-ician
Close-up magi-ician
Close-up magi-ician
[Chorus]
Three hours, six hours, turns quickly into life
He sleeps between us at night with a big knife
He dreams with both eyes open (Ooh, ah)
And periodically screams (Ooh, ah)
Because in his dreams he's forced to do far-away magic
[Post-Chorus]
(Close) Seven years (Close-up)
Changing of seasons (Magic)
He says he's gotta live rent free with us
For super secret magic reasons (No)
He is not hopeless ([?] [our house?])
You doubt him too much, girl (Just magic)
He senses your disbelief and he's finally had enough
[Bridge]
He knows what girls like, that's why
You float into the night sky
You can't believe your eyes
It's a vanishing act, he saved the best 'til last
[Verse 3]
Goodbye, from your close-up magician
Three hours with a close-up magician
Woah, 'hind the couch, is that our close-up magician?
Please don't look there, that must be a different magician
His pants fell down again, poor close-up magician
It's just part of the trick, what a cool close-up magician
Please, stop crying, little close-up magician
Your whole life with a close-up mag— close-up mag— (Yes)
[Chorus]
Three hours with a close-up magician
Girl, I knew you'd come around to the magic
Three hours with a close-up magician
Maybe now he'll stop doing card tricks
Or maybe not
Six hours with a close-up magician
We're gonna prestidigitate until our faces melt
Your whole life with a close-up magician
He doesn't [like to see you and they helped?]
(Magi-ician)
11/15/2024 @augustdeer: I'm pretty sure the lyric is "he is not homeless," instead of "hopeless"
11/15/2024 @elilebaron8431: I'm pretty sure it's "his tiny four balls" not "tiny four walls"
11/15/2024 @EntityBoi: woah i wrote this
11/15/2024 @Ashe1001: It's "his tiny foam balls" and last line is "he doesn't buy this C-U-M a belt" (how did it take me this long to realise the acronym? lmao)
11/15/2024 @EntityBoi: @Ashe1001 thats actually genius (no pun intended 😭) ive been stuck on that line for SO long 🙏
05/15/2025 @LBCMUSICSTUDIO: 2:15 it’s such a genuine “FUCK!”
11/15/2024 @willnotshutup: "no! he's not homeless (unhoused!)"
"you doubt him too much, girl (just magic!)"
11/15/2024 @justalittlebitmentallyunstable: The album is going so crazy rn
11/15/2024 @foolishlyfoolhardy6004: This whole album is fantastic.
11/15/2024 @AAveliy: I am in love with this songs. Fire album ngl, truly hot shit!
11/15/2024 @fabian6087: Man this album is FUNKY!
11/15/2024 @rosaplum7642: The more I listen to the song the more I feel like it's from the POV of an emotional sadist who is genuinely turned on by watching this poor magician pathetically fail and cry over and over.
11/15/2024 @Montesama314: One of the lines is literally "Now he's crying, what an aphrodisiac"
03/15/2025 @jorgesaxon3781: The fascinating part is that behind all the jokes you can tell that Tom Cardy is really fucking cultured, his use of the word prestidigitate and the Shangri-la as a metaphor give him off as a really really smart guy who loves to be as idiotic as possible which is just amazing
11/15/2024 @kylerivera3470: I really hope this song gets animated. It would be so weird.
11/15/2024 @IlseTalman: Beautiful!!!
11/15/2024 @UltimaPowers: How does one man contain so much funk? Tom is like the offspring of Bootsy Collins and George Clinton.
11/15/2024 @elizabethlee5557: Most true comment here
11/15/2024 @freya2093: This is so catchy
11/15/2024 @goldennut763: brother. tom. this fucks bro. i've never wanted to spend my entire life with a (failed) magician before
11/15/2024 @ktburger659: Need a music video for this one!!
11/15/2024 @alaceart: I really like the DJs design (assuming he's a DJ based on the headphones) I am absolutely gonna draw him at some point 🌌🎧😎
11/15/2024 @elizabethlee5557: "What?-" "shutthefuckup he's about to start"
11/15/2024 @Ponify19music: This is Cardy's Moon Music
11/15/2024 @cat_duck: Sucker for a good guitar solo
11/15/2024 @DaWombatGaming: why wasn't this in my sub box????? Youtube you're failing me!
11/15/2024 @nitpicker42: I think Music doesn't go there unless/until it has a corresponding video
11/15/2024 @DaWombatGaming: @nitpicker42 well... fine then. Guess I'll check tom's channel more often
12/15/2024 @juanitasuniverse1144: this took a minute to grow on me but i love it
11/15/2024 @Boicapof_Chronicles.: I was afraid teh thumbnail was A.I. until i saw the Dimensional DJ.
11/15/2024 @thedoye1239: Tom you can say your a business man, a close up magician, but we all know your a cop.
11/15/2024 @yoyo_albacete: I need one of tom´s videos with this one pls pls pls
11/15/2024 @drakearrington3150: I really like the rhyming implies the card is three of spades
11/15/2024 @emilyfoutch: I love how gutteral the FUCK was here at 1:28
11/15/2024 @margekinson3: Is he doing this (close up magic) on the bus for kisses?
11/15/2024 @GloriaAlegríaFanjulGavela-w2u: Do u like me ? ( Magic in every of us) God no (also Magic in every of us)
11/15/2024 @NotTheLASThumon: Cool
11/15/2024 @maxgarber9934: Why is this song not 3hora long?
11/15/2024 @titan4257: Im super early for this one.
11/15/2024 @sarahjm106: This beat is giving Smash Mouth
12/15/2024 : Me, sending this to my boyfriend, asking him when will we have a date like this:
11/15/2024 @EVERYTHING_iNC13: The Arrest Development: Gob Song
11/15/2024 @H_hexxed_D: Tom, i think you just might’ve uploaded this whole album a little bit early
11/15/2024 @margekinson3: It's the 18th in Australia!
11/15/2024 @sarahjm106: same vibe as "it's 5 o'clock somewhere!"
11/15/2024 @notbot2648: @margekinson3 OMG I FORGOT THIS! What a great day to live in the US
11/15/2024 @st8113: Quick check, has anyone ever worked prestidigitate into lyrics before?
03/15/2025 @Boeing_F-15_Strike_Eagle_II: Funniest song I've ever heard.
and that's going up against you're mine by dagames
07/25/2025 @jenniferrandall6936: Head cannon: she chose a KitKat 😔
08/11/2025 @Acorn905: Yummy :3
11/15/2024 @Vergilonastackoflawnchairs: I understand this is an album, but I'm dissapointed it's songs you've made before, such as Level Clear and Perception check, already made and listed TwT
11/15/2024 @Lightcaster123: have you ever heard of releasing singles before releasing the entire album
11/15/2024 @Vergilonastackoflawnchairs: @Lightcaster123 I have, but not the entirety of the album as singles, (pretty much, I understand there's a few that are new) like, 1-2 singles out prior as the introduction, but Level Clear has been out for months , Perception Check has too, then for about 13-14 days we had Trancendental Cha Cha Cha but I think of that as the proper introductory single, and in the end we have Red Flags but revered and I haven't listened to it yet, but two things could be what it is, The Man is the one who likes human centipede, which was released a loooong time ago prior to this album, or it's something entirely new and I'll eat my words on it, a
11/15/2024 @Vergilonastackoflawnchairs: @Lightcaster123 H.S has been out for a year TwT, basically the entire album was released as singles which I haven't seen before at all, and only recently were we introduced to the idea this album would exist
11/15/2024 @Lightcaster123: @Vergilonastackoflawnchairs i mean, this is how Tom has always done it (really the fact that there’s several songs we’ve never heard before is a surprise), i can’t know his intentions with that but he just seems like he has a more direct approach to releasing music, but more importantly than that he just released the album for free on Youtube and Spotify and you are under no obligation to boy the album, so saying you’re disappointed in a release of entirely free music from someone who doesn’t actually owe you anything makes you sound very entitled
11/15/2024 @Vergilonastackoflawnchairs: @Lightcaster123 I don't mean to sound entitled, it's not that it's free, it's just the novelty of getting a full album without having heard any of it save 1 or 2 before is entertaining, it's purely a bums opinion and I couldn't buy it even if I wanted to
02/15/2025 @roROCKck: That last line "Let's get this C.U
M. a belt", that HAD to have been the entire idea for the song " Man what acronym matches C U M....... CLOSE UP MAGICIAN! "